City Girl Says Farewell

Hey girl heyyyyy!

I decided it was time to say farewell to City Girl Says. Perhaps she will reincarnate, but for now it’s a see you later. What a wild two years it has been! I appreciate the time, dedication, and support from those who have followed me on this crazy, interesting, fascinating and amazing journey. The past two years have been the best two years a girl could ever ask for and I couldn’t be more thankful. Especially when the four years prior were the worst ever. I find I am so excited for what’s in store, I can hardly breathe. I love writing more than anything and my goal is to keep it going. While City Girl’s story is most certainly not over, it’s time for a new adventure!

So what’s next?

I have six weeks left of school and one week of final exams, so seven weeks total. And on May 16, 2015 I will be done with grad life for good. Best damn decision, I don’t have any regrets. And being on Spring Break has been wonderful. I am laughing and smiling and overall, I am well rested. I needed this decompression. I needed this grad life “detox”. I needed to prepare myself to go back full-throttle into the madness I am about to endure. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t looking at the calendar every day counting down the weeks (which if you recall I said I would NEVER do again. Shit happens, I guess). But this also makes me think about when I was in France. Six weeks left felt like no time at all! Six weeks felt like the end of the world was nearing. So I made the very most of every single second. Why not do that now? No matter how hard it will be, or how exhausted I will feel, I need to appreciate these final moments. Wish me luck!

Speaking of appreciation…

I will never fully disclose the identity of my sexy boi, my instant crush, my moon and the sky… Even if our story started here, at the end of the day it’s just too personal. But I will never forget that day I first met him. Never in a million years did I imagine as a grown woman I could still experience the wind being knocked out of me with such great force that I would forget how to speak and forget how to behave. Not to mention, how much I would blush, blush, blush… When I would lock eyes with him, I’d feel a sudden surge throughout my entire body; a total shock to the system. I mean this kind of shit drove me so wild that I hid from him. And guess what? Two years later I feel the exact same way. Only now it is more amazement. How did I get so lucky? This man… I fell in love the moment I first saw him and threw myself at him with my entire being. We have been through a lot and we continue to grow, change, evolve; together and separately which strengthens our bond. This last year was a difficult and confusing time, as a piece of my heart remains with him. Being disconnected from that piece hurt in such a way that it made me feel lost. But, we found a way to manage. We found a way to make it work. Equilibrium… When it’s real, nothing can stand in the way. Nothing can truly separate you. Not even an ocean. I look forward to sitting next to him again “in a land far, far away where the time stands still.”

As for my obsession…

Moving to Paris is what I want. And I haven’t been idle about it. I’ve been putting in the time and effort to figure out a way to make it happen. But I’m not going to lie, it’s scary. But what’s scarier is the thought of going back to the busy San Francisco, corporate culture bullshit and remaining a woman who continues to dream about a life she never went after. That said, will City Girl make it back to France once and for all? Time will tell…

Merci au tout ! Bonne journée continuée ! 💋

Angel of Mine

Lately I’ve been thinking about this time last year when I was a crying, sad, miserable little mess because my heart was completely ripped apart. I made myself crazy-busy so that I wouldn’t have to feel all that I was feeling and did that ever backfire. So much has changed since then, but really it hasn’t because at times I am still that crying, sad, miserable little mess.

And for so long he’s heard me complain and be upset, “I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, wahhhh I hate my life because I miss you.” And it’s true, I do miss him, alllll of the time. But it occurred to me recently that I have been so overly focused on what I was missing, I’ve failed to appreciate all that we actually share. More than that, what it is that I actually have; HIM!

Yes, there is distance and it gets me down and I cry and complain about it constantly. Yes, I allow negativity and insecurity get the best of me more than it should. And yes, we don’t always get along and we argue and we get mad and sometimes even hurt each other. But at the end of the day he’s here. He’s alive. I can talk to him when I want. I can tell him to his face that I miss him.

And it wasn’t that I received horrible news today, and it wasn’t reading through every, single, one of our 2000+ Facebook messages in a state of boredom and restlessness while working from home that made me realize all of this. It was realizing that I knew it all along. He’s the best homie-lover-friend anyone could ever ask for and this silly girl simply got lucky. He might be an ocean away, but holy shit, not for long. And for that, I am appreciative.

“I close my eyes, thinking that there is nothing like an embrace after an absence, nothing like fitting my face into the curve of his shoulder and filling my lungs with the scent of him.” ― Jodi Picoult, Keeping Faith

 

Spring Breakin’

I’ve been on spring break this week (Yay!) which came at a great time considering school was starting to make my hair fall out. So I opted to work 40-hours vs. the usual 25 thinking how great it would be to make the extra money. But what an eye opening experience! I’ve made comments about how much I want to be a “stay at home mom” (eventually) or that I don’t want to go back to corporate culture, but working from home for this many hours, man! I am crawling out of my damn skin! I want a change of scenery, I want someone to talk to, I want interaction, I want intellectual stimulation, I want random! This strange isolation is not the business. Sure, you can roll out of bed and work in your underwear, but after a few days it gets boring.

I guess I am grateful all the same because I needed this break. I needed this time to decompress and a chance to realize that having a crazy schedule isn’t the worst thing in the world. It means that you have a life! And what’s so wrong about that?

Photo courtesy of pop
Photo courtesy of fanpop.com

 

Judgement

I hate when people pass judgement on me. It happens all of the time too and for various reasons. But today I found myself passing judgement and in retrospect it wasn’t very nice. The judgement was that the young women in my family – all they know how to do is procreate. Then I exclaimed how I want to see statistics on American women who have a college education vs. those who do not in correlation with what age they started having babies. (Which I actually looked up and can be found here.)

But who in the hell do I think I am and why should I care?

Because receiving email updates that I didn’t ask for which include nothing but pictures of kids sitting on a couch in a cookie-cutter suburban home is boring and uninteresting. And perhaps if I responded with a lengthy discussion on social issues and public policy and how the men in France are HOT, I too would be presumedly judged.

As humans, we can be so cruel. My life is better than yours because….

I am not against a woman having the right to choose. Go and do whatever you want and with pride and hell yeah! But I also cannot help the fact that I am turning my nose up at this. I cannot help the fact that I find it disappointing when women are presented with an opportunity to obtain a college education (we didn’t always have this option!) and do not take advantage of it. I guess I just had higher hopes for these girls. #judgement

Interestingly enough, the women in my family with a bachelor’s degree or higher, (myself included) do not have children and are not married. Hot damn. Statistics for this can be found here.

I think…

I think the worst is over. It’s been a hellish 8+ weeks for sure. But the only way it can continue to get worse is if I don’t work hard. So really, it’s up to me at this point. I have the support, I know what I need to do, it’s just a matter of getting it done. I can’t change the way these courses are taught. I can’t change the fact that these courses are required for graduation. And I can’t change my progress thus far. C’est la vie!

I know I have been complaining a lot…  

But I will say, I am very happy in my personal life. Things are going so well. I have just been hung up on the negativity because I do not like to feel bored and trapped. I am completely immersed in a situation that I can’t get out of right now and so yeah, I am bitching and moaning up a storm because I hate doing shit I don’t like! Who does?? Pout.. pout… pout…

But the reward that is waiting…

oh, it will be sweet…

…so very sweet.

It’s true, in a few months I won’t even give this a second thought…

It’s nice to have something to look forward to.