People are always saying the nicest things to me, which I truly appreciate. But of course there is that one person who makes you believe all of those kind words are false. That being told how beautiful, smart, and amazing you are is simply irrelevant because it means nothing to them. And you wish that it did. Because for some stupid reason their opinion is the one that really matters which kind of ruins it for everyone else. Life is funny. We give away so much of our energy because it is in our nature to do so and yet, what a waste of time.
“Sometimes the only way to stop a fire is to let it burn out.”
Life feels so weird right now. There’s such an obvious shift in the air.
I am moving farther and farther away from him. This has been so hard! It’s unreal. And what is so unfair is the fact that I miss him. I miss him so much right now the universe could crash down upon me and I wouldn’t even notice. I have been miserable since the day we parted. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be myself again.
What i wouldn’t do just to be next to him right now. I said this a year ago and I still feel the same way; whoever has the opportunity to just sit next to him is lucky. I want nothing more than to be able to fucking smell him. This really hurts.
I have a lot to do, a lot to memorize in a short amount of time, a TON of requests for things, and I am disappointed in myself for how poorly I did on an exam tonight in a class that I love simply because I wasn’t prepared. My schedule is packed. I am in school and that’s it! Nothing extra. Yet, every, single, day is booked. And it is just going to get busier. How is this even possible? Not to mention I am a sobbing, hormonal fool. While I realize this is all so small in the grand scheme of things, I am just…… overwhelmed.
“I’ve always been strong-minded, but I wonder. – Alicia Keys
Today when I walked into the Tea Shop at school this guy working there was blasting this song and it brought me back! I started singing, this other girl was singing…. “Was at the job when no one else was there, helpin you get on your feeeeeet.” It was a total moment!
“If you prefer smoke over fire
then get up now and leave.
For I do not intend to perfume
your mind’s clothing
with more sooty knowledge.
No, I have something else in mind.
Today I hold a flame in my left hand
and a sword in my right.
There will be no damage control today.
For God is in a mood
to plunder your riches and
fling you nakedly
into such breathtaking poverty
that all that will be left of you
will be a tendency to shine.
So don’t just sit around this flame
choking on your mind.
For this is no campfire song
to mindlessly mantra yourself to sleep with.
Jump now into the space
and exit this dream
before I burn the damn place down.”